#I have my qualms with this quest. I have them

[latinokaeya]

finished son of neptune. that last line was sooooo cheesy but idc son of neptune trio you will always be famous to me yippee

[jinxie-117]

Shin Soukoku: Why BSD cannot be told without Atsushi and Akutagawa

How's everyone feeling after chapter 121.5? Pretty great, right? Pretty SSKK-brained, right? Well, I've got good news for you - Atsushi and Akutagawa are absolutely the emotional core of Bungou Stray Dogs.

That's right chat - whether you ship them or not, these two are absolutely fundamental to the entirety of BSD. Take whatever perspective you want on them - as lovers, as friends, as rivals who despise each other fundamentally but learn to trust one another - these two and their relationship cannot be separated from the overarching themes of their tale.

Naturally, I will be using the mainline manga as reference, as I believe it to be the best source for the overall story of BSD as well as information on Akutagawa and Atsushi's characters (since the light novels and spinoff mangas tend to focus predominantly on characters like Dazai and Chuuya, and BEAST doesn't count). Obviously, spoilers for everything. So, with that in mind, let's begin:

What is BSD about?

Many people would agree that one of the main themes of Bungou Stray Dogs is the value of a human life. Numerous characters struggle with issues surrounding their right to even be alive (Atsushi, Dazai, Akutagawa, Kyouka, Yosano, I mean the list goes on), their status as a human being (Dazai, Chuuya, Akutagawa, Sigma, and arguably Fyodor), or the amount of life required to be taken in order for the 'greater good' (most specifically the conflict between Fukuzawa and Fukuchi, but also Fyodor).

Pretty much every character in Bungou Stray Dogs struggles with some sort of suicidality or has assigned themselves a purpose that they must never stray from (Kunikida and his ideals come to mind - he believes he should not live unless he can follow the exact principles that he has composed for himself), causing them to equate the value of their lives to this one purpose.

It makes sense, then, that three of the most major villains we've had so far - Fitzgerald, Fyodor, and Fukuchi - have their own ways of cheating death: Fitzgerald in his quest to use the Book and resurrect his daughter, Fyodor with his ability, and Fukuchi with Shintou Amenogozen. What's more, all of them aim to cause immense loss of life (Fyodor is willing to kill anyone and everyone in pursuit of purging sin, Fitzgerald didn't mind loss of life in pursuit of money, power, and access to the Book, and although Fukuchi is ultimately on a smaller scale, he still aimed to kill a large number of people in order to achieve his ideal of peace). The value of a human life is the most sacred thing in this world, and so being able to cheat your own death while causing many others is naturally the most evil thing to do by this world's rules.

A final thing to note that, despite every character believing in some divine (especially in Fyodor's case) purpose for themselves that will finally give their life value, this purpose tends to cause more harm to themselves and others than they would care to admit. Kunikida's ideals especially (I keep using him as an example, it's because I recently read Dazai's entrance exam lmao) are emphasised as ridiculous and overdone, and his rigidity frequently causes him harm. This self-destruction brought on by purpose will become especially relevant as we move on to discuss our two beautiful boys:

Atsushi Nakajima: Useless Self-Pity

News to the people of the world - Atsushi is my favourite character in all of Bungou Stray Dogs. He is perfect to me and I love him. Many people I encounter on the internet have some sort of quantum beef with this man, which I can only assume is because they see in him that their own self-hatred and pity can cause harm, and get extremely butthurt about the fact that self-flagellating does nothing for them. I, however, have no such qualms, and thus I can see that he is certified peak.

One of Atsushi's major flaws, despite all his kindnesses, is that he cannot fathom a reason why he should be allowed to live, and constantly searches for that reason in other people. For a long time, he based his entire worth around the orphanage headmaster's opinion of him, as he was his only involved guardian - and thus, as a result of his abuse, believed himself worthless. Upon leaving home (or more accurately, being forcibly removed), he no longer had a purpose to live, but his survival instincts kept him alive for long enough to meet Dazai.

Meeting Dazai and joining the detective agency was only a short solace - because Atsushi, who wanted to live but truly believed that he did not deserve to, was now on the hunt for a new reason to live: protecting others.

It makes sense that in a high-stakes environment that Atsushi sees the only value of his life as protecting other people. This is first demonstrated during his entrance exam, in chapter two, when this freak of nature jumps on top of a bomb in order to protect the people around him. This seems to earn him approval from others (which he believes is his reason to live, for people to give him their approval and thus confirm he is allowed to exist), so he begins to participate in more battles and save more people's lives and generally act in defence of other people in order to earn his right to be alive.

There is more to be said here, but maybe I'll make a post only about Atsushi some other time. Moving on, one of the main drawbacks of Atsushi's desperation to live and his belief that he needs to protect others, is that he suffers from his main weakness in times of stress - dwelling on the past. Despite possessing the capability to protect and fulfil his purpose, Atsushi will freeze up and begin to spiral into self-hatred whenever anything goes wrong for him.

This is most obvious in the latest chapters, when witnessing all of his friends in the ADA die at the hands of Ame No Gozen and Dostoevsky. He seems entirely unable to take any action and fight back, believing his foe to be insurmountable, despite Fyodor's confirmation that this may not be the case:

So, we've established Atsushi's weakness as his inaction, passivity, and self-hatred. It makes him often useless in battle, and prevents him from creating a purpose for himself and interacting with the value of his life in a healthy way. Instead of protecting others and maintaining his own self worth, he fails to protect others, demolishes his self worth, and thus attempts increasingly dangerous and reckless ways to prove that his life has value. Most notably uh....

This suicide is demonstrative of Atsushi's terrible self-image. He foolishly believes that his life will have value if he literally kills himself, despite the fact that his life will no longer have value if he cannot do anything with it. Atsushi's belief that self-sacrifice is noble when he should be aiming to preserve as many lives as possible, including his own, is the culmination of every scrap of self-hatred he's been developing over the course of the entire story.

However, this can also be perceived also a good act - for once, Atsushi takes action instead of protecting mindlessly, and I will get into how this relates back to Akutagawa and how he teaches him how to take action instead of dwelling on the past, but that's for a later section. Either way, this act of self-sacrifice is both Atsushi moving onward in his character arc - learning how to take action in times of stress, instead of standing still, but also remaining stagnant - he refuses to preserve his own life, preferring instead to sacrifice it in the name of his purpose.

So, to move things along...

Ryuunosuke Akutagawa: Mindless Self-Servitude

More news to the world - you're never gonna guess which BSD character I relate to the most. This freak. This section will hopefully be a little shorter because this post is really dragging on, but no promises!

Akutagawa was very dissociated for the first years of his life - but he still had a purpose right up until his friends died. Being the strongest in his group of children in the slums, he was their assigned protector, and believed this to be his only purpose. It is the loss of this purpose that managed to break the haze around his emotions and first experience hatred - before it causes him to realise he has no reason to go on.

Immediately, Akutagawa takes up a new purpose - to prove his strenght to Dazai. Dazai personally tailors this purpose himself, ensuring that Akutagawa's entire sense of self-worth is dependent on him, willing to sacrifice any hope or joy that he might have had a chance at feeling. At the same time, however, Akutagawa despises Dazai for his treatment, being at least partially cognisant of his abuse, and wishes to kill him - thus creating a paradox in which he shall always wish to destroy his reason for live, but never be able to out of fear of losing said reason to live.

It is pretty important to note that I do not think Akutagawa wishes to die, unlike Atsushi who wholly believes that he should. Rather, Akutagawa becomes what he sees as a heartless monster when he is without a purpose, and thinks that he shall rot away on his own without one, as he believed that he did as a child in the slums, one day away from death at all times (now no longer being wholly aware that he was a fierce protector and once saw that as his reason to live). As a result, he adopts a philosophy that Dazai introduces him to - that the weak shall die, and the strong shall live, and that he better hope to be strong.

So, Akutagawa's worst weakness is that he despises the weak and will quickly and recklessly cut them down, refusing to sheath his sword, as he believes those strong enough to be worthy of life shall be able to hold their own against him in battle. Rather, instead of diminishing his own life in pursuit of saving others, Akutagawa diminishes others' lives in pursuit of saving his own. He acts recklessly and impulsively, underestimating his foes, the opposite of how Atsushi acts. He is actively called out on this by Pushkin upon encountering him:

To rub salt in the wound, earlier this chapter Atsushi calls him out on it multiple times, and Dazai calls him out on it for about... two years straight. So we can parse that Akutagawa really doesn't know how to slow down or quit, always dealing with the present and the now, believing that mass destruction will be a proof of his strength that he can then demonstrate to Dazai and earn his right to live.

This purpose, however, actively harms Akutagawa - in particular, it removes from him his humanity. He is repeatedly referred to as some kind of dog (see: the heartless cur, the silent mad dog, the black-fanged hellhound, the list goes on), and treated like his only use is to fight - which he genuinely believes, and so exists only to hurt and fight others. This causes a vicious cycle - Akutagawa hurts others recklessly -> gets called out on hurting others recklessly and denounced as a dog that doesn't know how to do anything else -> he internalises this idea of not knowing how to do anything but kill -> he continues to hurt others recklessly.

So, we have Akutagawa who will kill others to prove he is strong and thus allowed to live, and Atsushi who will kill himself to prove that he can protect and thus allowed to live. What a pair! So let's get onto the main event that shouldn't have taken this long.

Shin Soukoku: To me, you've always had a right to live

This post isn't about it, but the amount of panels these two have together where they are perfectly mirroring each other is wholly unsubtle. I've never seen anything like it. It is totally ridiculous.

To create an effective narrative foil, one must first create as many similarities between two characters as they can. So let's begin:

Both studied under Dazai

Both struggle with a flimsy reason to live

Both have all-devouring beasts that can cut through things most people wouldn't be able to as their ability

Both think themselves worthless save for one thing

Both are haunted by pasts of physical abuse that cause violence to be their accepted norm

Both feel their emotions very strongly

There's more but I've been at this post for two hours

These similarities, especially the one surrounding their reason to live, are very accessibly noticed in another human being. Overall, both of these two need to learn how to dispense of their current reasons to live, which tend to hinge on another person and a set of narrow-minded ideas (in Atsushi's case, protecting everybody, and in Akutagawa's, the strong needing to defeat the weak).

As a result of being able to notice these flaws very easily in another (having only subconsciously noticed it in themselves), these two do not get along, and repeatedly call each other out on foolish behaviour, enabling each other to improve. This looks slightly different on either side, so I'll go one-by-one.

Let's begin with Atsushi's side of the deal, because I talked about him first. As we established earlier, what he needs to learn is to take action, stop dwelling on his past, and view his life as something worth holding onto, as all human life has value.

The one thing Akutagawa absolutely despises about Atsushi is his absolute unwillingness to take any action at all.

Akutagawa, who is so used to moving forward and fighting and acting in the now, hates Atsushi for being able to dwell on his past and still have Dazai's approval. It fills him with complete and utter rage, and so he unwittingly motivates Atsushi to learn how to take proper action.

Another example is on the boat, when Atsushi's resolve is failing, and he comes to assist.

Ah, the famous line. Unironically though, it is perfectly demonstrative of Akutagawa's ability to instil self-confidence in Atsushi and motivate him into taking action - which does work later on when Atsushi saves Akutagawa from an inevitable death at the hands of Fukuchi, allowing them both to escape with their lives (for now):

So, good job Akutagawa! You've managed to teach Atsushi the power of not sitting around being dead miserable, not doing anything about the things that are visibly going wrong all around him. You know, I bet this won't have any other consequences for both you and him!

Oh, hey, Akutagawa. Guess what else you taught him:

So. We've already established why this is kind of an... issue. But as we can visibly see, Atsushi is able to take action. For the first time in several chapters, he is motivated by the prospective death of the man who warned against his passivity, into acting, not sitting by and watching everybody he cares for die, acting. Akutagawa, whose recklessness and impulsivity Atsushi once criticised, seems to be the one thing that enables him to take action after a period of extreme self-doubt and passivity.

This is especially special because Atsushi is motivated into this action by hallucination Dazai, who was once the hallucination of the orphanage director - who is now, at least implicitly, revealed to be Byakko, or Atsushi's tiger (if I am proven wrong on this then it's SO joever but whatever my theory still holds up). Throughout the entire story, Byakko is used as a metaphor for Atsushi's self-image (which I will possibly go into in another post because I'll be here all day if I do it now). So, if hallucination Dazai motivates Atsushi into acting, that means that Akutagawa has pressured him enough that he has literally permanently altered his self-concept. Insane.

Another thing that Akutagawa criticises Atsushi for is his belief that other people need to be protected, and that he can destroy himself for the sake of others, and thus earn a right to live. He demonstrates this particularly in chapter 35:

Akutagawa's main philosophy is that he who is the strongest shall come out on top, and that sacrificing anything for others is useless. So, he's (still in the process of) teaching Atsushi how to live for himself and look out for himself, which he is able to do whenever they fight against each other, and also when they fight with others - the combination of their abilities is incredibly powerful, and also represents Akutagawa giving up his defences and giving them to Atsushi, thus teaching him how to look out for himself.

This absolutely comes to fruition when Akutagawa sacrifices himself for Atsushi on the boat against Fukuchi and tells him to get away while he still can - however you slice it, he is unintentionally teaching Atsushi that he has the right to live and that Akutagawa is willing to die for it - that it doesn't matter if he protects or if he doesn't, that no matter what happens, he deserves to live. And these guys hate each other! What the hell???

Another thing to note is that now that Atsushi is presumably dead from Akutagawa's POV, he is very visibly devastated, even being able to recall his memories upon seeing the man who he fought so hard to defend take his own life. Should they reunite, I imagine that Akutagawa will be at least slightly angry with Atsushi for sacrificing himself like that - thus moving his arc of self-preservation forward.

Now, let's move onto Akutagawa's side of the deal, after that incredibly long amount of time spent on Atsushi's end.

Akutagawa believes that he does not have the right to go on unless he can prove his strength, specifically to Dazai, and does this via cutting down anything in his path.

Atsushi cannot shut up about how idiotic Akutagawa's impulsivity is. We see this on several occasions, the usually kind Atsushi devolving into downright bitchiness at points:

These are only two examples, because I didn't want to have to go chapter hopping that many times. Sorry chat.

Regardless, Akutagawa needs to be taught how to take things slow and learn how to preserve life instead of absolutely demolishing it. This comes to fruition via the six-month promise that Atsushi forces him to make, playing upon Akutagawa's principles and forcing him to not kill anyone for several months. Akutagawa begrudgingly follows through, and ends up successfully managing it right up until his death at the hands of Fukuchi. In addition, it could be argued that this same impulse-control Atsushi insists on inspiring in Akutagawa is what allows him to be able to stay hidden through most of the terrorist arc. Had the promise not existed, he likely would have killed to get his way, and ended up mistakenly revealed.

So, similar to how Akutagawa unintentionally motivates Atsushi to take action, Atsushi unintentionally motivates Akutagawa to slow things down and avoid impulsively killing. He is able to ensure Akutagawa's sword is sheathed when necessary, a feat that even Dazai couldn't achieve.

In addition, while I'd say the 'Dazai's approval' conflict is still in murky waters with Akutagawa, as he's only just recalled Atsushi and it's unclear if he's recalled anything else, Atsushi unwittingly motivates Akutagawa into reducing his impulsivity by allowing him to realise that Dazai won't be pleased by it:

While this exchange can be interpreted as Akutagawa resigning himself to Dazai's hatred of him, we do see him later postpone the killing of the two guards, both because this mission is literally made to work against him (if the guards die, a signal is sent out) and because Atsushi is constantly pulling him up on his shit.

In addition to this, Atsushi teaches Akutagawa a very important thing - that the lives of the weak matter. This is such an insane breakthrough for Akutagawa's character, also represented by the six-month promise. Despite how he's operated all this time, he learns to see Atsushi - who he has perceived as weak all this time due to his constant self pity - as a valuable ally and a life that matters, even sacrificing himself for him in the end.

Akutagawa sacrificing himself for Atsushi is such an insane move because he has never conceptualised something close to doing anything like that before, not once in his life. Atsushi, through all they have been through together, has reawakened the protective instinct in him that hasn't been active since he was a child. This is directly after Fukuchi attempts to convince him to work for him, too - right after he promises strength and Dazai's approval and everything Akutagawa has ever wanted.

Indeed, his life is that important. It is directly after this exchange that Akutagawa and Atsushi are able to trust each other to launch the surprise attack on Fukuchi, only stopped by the fact that his sword can literally exist outside of space and time. For the life of a weak man, Akutagawa gives up all he ever wanted. He gives up Dazai's approval, which he says that he fears dying without. He gives up a chance to become stronger. He gives up his life, which he so desperately wants to live. All for a weak man. All for somebody who he doesn't believe should live, if he cannot beat another in battle.

This is especially evident in the fact that despite the fact he's lost all of his memories, Akutagawa still adheres to the promise that he made to Atsushi. He has learned to respect the weak enough that he refuses to take a life, even when he is visibly winning in battle. And even though he was inspired by Bram, I would like to point out that Akutagawa has sworn his sword to protect others now, a promise that he will still likely adhere to despite the fact he now retains his memories - after all, we still see him in his knight getup at the end of S5E11, which is at least partially symbolic of his pledge.

In addition, Akutagawa is a character who is likely foreign with grief now that he's basically removed himself from the memories of what happened to him and to his friends in the slums - he never mentions his past, and is very visibly attempting to distance himself from it by engaging with luxury items such as antiques, and enjoying food such as figs, which can be seen as somewhat luxury depending on the context.

However, when Atsushi seemingly dies, he is absolutely devastated, something that I do not think we've seen him be for anything not related to Dazai (correct me if I'm wrong, but this depth of reaction isn't usually present in him). He, who never feels grief, likely because he believes those who die are weak and thus have it coming, is so shocked by Atsushi's death that he regains his memories and feels utter despair at the idea of losing him.

Conclusion

So, Atsushi and Akutagawa, both characters whose reason to live is deeply intertwined in their outlook on life, are able to balance out and improve each other's characteristics tenfold. I imagine as the manga progresses that both of them will teach each other the value of their own lives simply for existing, something that the overarching story of BSD seems to be trying to communicate.

Shin Soukoku is a perfect microcosm of the overall themes of BSD, representing the one question from which the entire story stems. Without these two, this particular theme would mean nothing, considering there would be literally no relatable plane to experience it on. Sure, we can acknowledge that millions of people dying is bad, and accept that human life is valuable through Fukuchi and Fyodor and Fitzgerald, who all attempt to demonstrate the opposite - but without Akutagawa and Atsushi, it wouldn't nearly mean as much.

I am sorry that this post was so long! If you stuck to the end you are an angel sent from the very heavens. Don't be afraid to reblog or comment your thoughts, this is just my opinion and I would love a discussion. If there are any typos I'm also sorry I've been sitting here for three hours trying to collect sources and write. But actually I'm not sorry cos I'm really based

[taliesin-the-bored]

Tag game: tag nine people you’d like to know better.

Tagged by: @oneshoulderangel (Thank you for tagging me!)

Last song: At the moment, I have "Losing Your Memory" by Alan Star stuck in my head, which I suppose makes it my current song, not my last song. Hm. I get songs stuck in my head very easily, but the last one I had there for a significant amount of time was a mashup of different language versions of "Les Rois du Monde" for about a week. "Lehetsz Király", the Magyar version, is probably my favorite of them. It's worth a listen.

Currently watching: Normally, the answer would be "random mostly terrible old movies/shows" or "nothing much", but I currently have a hyperfixation on the musical Roméo et Juliette and have been watching it in multiple languages. (Thus, the song).

Three ships: This is hard. Maybe as a result of being on the ace and aro spectrums, I'm more likely to care about which characters are interacting than whether it's romantic or platonic. Here goes:

Kedivere/Bedikay. It can be romantic, platonic, or queerplatonic, but whichever way, I'm here for it. I probably spend too much time thinking about how in Cullwch and Olwen, when Cai gets mad at Arthur and marches out, Bedwyr stays behind, keeps acting like nothing's happened, and isn't the one to avenge Cai's death. The feeling of betrayal on both sides has a lot of unexplored potential. And the version where Bedivere dies and Kay fights to bring his body back safely while mortally wounded himself... And the version where Bedivere survives Camlann and Kay isn't said to fight in it, so they might be left together after their world has fallen apart...

Platonically or queerplatonically, Galahad and the Grail Heroine. I really like the tragic Grail Quest friendships, but I like theirs most, maybe because there's something weird and otherworldly about them both. I like it when characters are strange and endearing and doomed by the narrative.

Ever since reading John Matthews' retelling, which I read before the original, I've had a soft spot for Caradoc and Guinier. The Story of Caradoc is very disturbing, and I have some major qualms with Caradoc over a detail Matthews cut out, but all the same, there's a reason these two have the best track record with magical fidelity tests. Each of them would go to the ends of the earth for the other, and together, they're stronger than any curse.

Favorite Color: Blue, particularly royal blue and some teals.

Currently consuming: Black licorice with chocolate.

First ship: This is a hard one, since through elementary and most of middle school, I tended to go along with whatever I thought the author's intentions were and was more likely to unship something. The first non-endgame ship I got invested in was Sonya/Nikolai in War and Peace. I didn't like Nikolai, but Sonya did, and she was my favorite character, so I wanted her to be happy. The first non-canon couple I thought was meant to be together was also in War and Peace: Marya Bolkonskaya and Julie Karagina. My eighth grade self did not think their letters could be interpreted platonically. I still don't.

Last movie: If the musical doesn't count, the last movie I watched was Quest for Camelot, which was awful. Though not Robot Monster-level bad, Robot Monster has an elegance to its simplicity which Quest for Camelot lacks.

Currently working on: Various fics, most of them Arthuriana or CotRK-related (I am woefully behind on the Badfic Bingo), and (theoretically) an epic-style poem, though I haven't gotten much of it written for quite a while now.

Tagging: @gawrkin, @emperorcandy, @wildbasil, @gorewound, @knightsofsomethingorother, @ladyminaofcamelot, @tasosotaso, @amashelle, @gingersnaptaff (I have no idea who's been tagged so far, apart from the people on @oneshoulderangel's post, so I apologize for any multi-tags)

[aphroditelovesu]

I would cry for something for a Yan! Lucien Vanserra 🥺💖

"I will love you until the day my existence fades away." — Lucien Vanserra.

❝ 🦊 — lady l: oh, how I miss Lucien, especially the one from the first book 😔 he deserves more, much more! I hope you like it and forgive me for any mistakes!

❝tw: obsessive behavior, possessiveness, protectiveness, implied death and toxic relationships (?).

❝🦊pairing: yandere!lucien vanserra x gender neutral!reader.

Lucien Vanserra is a devoted, loving and caring male. He has lost so much and suffered so much in his life that all he wants, all he must do, is make sure his loved one is happy and safe. That is all that matters to him and Lucien will make sure his wishes are fulfilled.

He knows that his darkest thoughts are wrong and Lucien tries to fight them at any cost. His greatest fear is hurting you and he will never forgive himself if he hurts you or harms you in any way. He loves you deeply, so much so that the mere thought of hurting you makes him desperate.

Lucien idolizes his darling, puts you on a pedestal and will do anything for you. Ask him for anything and he will do it without question. He wants to please you above all else and will have no fear or qualms about going "too far" in his constant quest for your approval. He wants you to love him, to be as devoted to him as he is to you.

His obsession manifests itself in such a subtle way that you will hardly notice that there is anything wrong with the way he acts. Lucien is good at disguising his feelings and he will only make you feel what he wants you to feel: security and love. He will never let you feel fear or any kind of negative feelings towards him. Lucien cannot let that happen and he will not.

He is a master at hiding his own emotions conducting his interactions in such a way that you only notice the sweetness and dedication he exudes, having lived under the violent control of his "father" and brothers. Even when obsession takes over, Lucien manages to mask any signs of possessiveness with genuine affection, ensuring that you never see the dark side of his love. He controls his actions with precision, always maintaining a facade of perfection so that you never have reason to suspect his intentions.

Lucien's manipulation is more subtle and you will hardly notice it. His smiles, the way his eyes follow you all the time and how words with ulterior motives come out of his lips are very strong clues but again, Lucien will not let you realize how sick for you he is, how desperate. At least, for now.

Lucien is a fae male and as such, he has a high level of possessiveness over his darling. He is not the controlling type, he will never try to restrict you in any way, not when he knows very well how that could end. You will have complete freedom, of course, as long as you never risk your life, Lucien will leave you free to do whatever you wish.

Although he will never act in a way that could hurt you, Lucien is still very possessive and does not like the idea of ​​other males around you, especially if he does not trust them. He will growl, show his teeth and make his disdain clear, his words sarcastic but full of venom and, if it is really necessary, Lucien will drive them away from you permanently.

Having lost so much and suffered at the hands of people who should love him, Lucien is somewhat paranoid and protective of you, but he will always be careful not to overstep your bounds. Lucien is protective to the extent that he can control it, never forcing himself into your life and always respecting your space, even if it destroys him inside. You are more important to him than the obsession that increasingly consumes him.

You are the light that guides him in the darkness, especially after the traumatic events of Under the Mountain. You keep him going, an extra motivation to fight and stay strong. Lucien almost sees you as a kind of deity, always worshiping and adoring you wherever you go. There is nothing this male wouldn't do for you. He will love you, and be devoted and loyal to you completely.

Lucien will spoil you with anything you desire. One of his love languages ​​is to give you things he knows you will like. Absolutely anything you desire, anything you want to ask for, is yours. Just ask and you shall have it. Lucien will feel useful when he can provide for you and he loves the smile you give him when you receive something you like, so ask for it.

Lucien Vanserra is, above all, a man who strives to be worthy of the love he receives. He wants to be the fortress that protects you, the safe haven where his darling can rest in peace, without fear. And it is this devotion that guides him, that gives meaning to everything he does, even if some of these things are monstrous. He knows that true love requires sacrifices, and for him, there is no sacrifice too great if it means your happiness and safety.

[skrewtiny]

Welp, i said i wanted to do more hpma x broadway projects, so here we are! This took a little while though, been out of motivation…so, i’m sorry if some of the drawings aren’t on par with the others xd

I promise, i have more ideas that don’t have the Freys as the Main Character, but I like drawing those boys a little too much, and this one has a lot more parts for a lot more characters. But dw, Ivy, Daniel, and possibly Lottie will come up eventuallyyyy

Prepare for my yapping. I will be doing quite a lot of it. I apologize to your attention spans in advance.

So, as you can probably tell from this, the Musical I’ve adapted this time is Newsies. 

*Note: I know that Newsies is based off of an actual event in history, however i will only be basing this off of the Musical/Movie, so it will not be historically accurate and will be mostly fictitious.*

For those who don’t know, the basic plot of Newsies is:

Newsies is a musical inspired by the real-life Newsboys Strike of 1899 in New York City. It follows a group of young newspaper sellers, or "newsies," who band together to protest unfair treatment by powerful newspaper publishers.

The story centers on Jack Kelly, a charismatic and rebellious newsie who dreams of escaping the hardships of city life and moving to Santa Fe. When newspaper magnate Joseph Pulitzer raises the price of newspapers that the newsies must buy in order to sell them, Jack and his fellow newsies—including new kid Davey and his younger brother Les—organize a strike to demand better treatment.

With the help of Katherine Plumber, a determined reporter who wants to cover the strike, the newsies gain public attention.

Ultimately, the newsies' unity and resilience force Pulitzer to back down, leading to improved conditions.

The roles shown above are: 

•Fischer as Jack

and

•Wénshī as Davey

Now, if you’ve seen the musical, you’ll probably be thinking something about how Fischer doesn’t exactly fit Jack’s character. And y’know what? You’re right. He does not. Which is why i will be basing his character on Jack from the movie, which fits him actually rather well. 

Yes, Jack is nicer than Fischer in most respects, however given the situation he would be in, i could see Fisch acting better. Think. Surrounded by a bunch of people who look up to him and think he is so so cool, i think he would embody that more, whereas in hpma he is seen and treated as more of a jerky arrogant boy(don’t get me wrong he does act like it more often than not), and so he becomes as such. We have however, seen that he can be civil when he wants to be, (still with some teasing and jabs) but he isn’t a complete jerk, especially to people he likes/is close to.

I will mention as well that, Film Jack does get into quite a few more fights than Musical does, and does more of the teasing/insulting of the Delancy’s and others. Which frankly, is more of a Fischer thing than other characters i could have chosen.

And it isn’t far off to assume he could rally a bunch of kids to strike, as he (and Cass) pretty much (kind of) rallied a bunch of students against Daniel in y3. Now he is far from the best spokesman, but he also isn’t the worst, seemingly having little to no qualms with speaking in public, rather loudly too.

He also, contrary to somewhat popular belief, is not in fact completely incompetent, and is actually rather clever when it comes to certain things. Is he book smart? By absolutely no means. He’s more ‘street smart’, which i’d probably take out street in favor of duel, but for the sake of this i won’t. Also, the kid can perform at least one nonverbal spell, which according to the hp books, is a very difficult thing to master. He is not completely dumb!

*See the Frey Twins Companion Card Quest

There are also some lines that make me think of Fischer, such as ‘Besides, it’s not lying. Just…improving the truth a little.’ 

Yeah, Fischer has been known to…fabricate, a bit. The best example of this is at the beginning of ‘A Light in the Darkness’ season, where he tells a story about how he beat a troll(?) in the Forbidden Forest to Wen, who promptly called him out on it. (Which, actually, Davey does to Jack too, so)

Which also goes hand in hand with ‘If i hate the headline, i’ll make up a headline, and i’ll say anything i ‘ave to’ , which, similarly, is something I’m pretty sure Fischer would do, especially to sell more papers, thus getting more means for himself.

Also this line, in the most recent Puzzle Event:

Actually kinda reminds me of the line:

‘In the words of union leader Jack Kelly, "We will work with you, we will even work for you, but we will be paid and treated as valuable members of your organization."’

Which of course is a biiiit more elaborate speech than he ever uses, but Kathrine is the one who wrote it, he just gave the basic idea.

Jack also, according to the Newsies Wiki is rebellious and passionate, which are traits that Fischer also portrays. They also seem to share the same first instincts, fight or bolt, usually fight unless he knows for a fact he cannot win the fight(aka going up against Snyder). Jack also(movie-wise) says to solve a good deal of their problems with ‘well then we’ll bleed ‘em’ or ‘we’ll bash their heads’, something along those lines at any rate.

Oh yeah and uh Jack does have a little brother, he’s just ah…dead, along with his Mother. So. I’m sorry there will be no Colby in this. 😔

Now, onto Wénshī as Davey.

I really can’t think of anyone i’d place in this part over him, they have similar personalities, being on the more studious side, and fairly a voice of reason at times.

Also, family situations. Both Wénshī‘s and David’s families are struggling for various reasons, causing both boys to have to do something about it. But where Davey’s Father got hurt, and got fired from the factory for it, Wénshī‘s Family’s business is suffering. Both could have the same effect though, being the reason the boy starts working as a News boy.

And, despite Fischer being based on Movie Jack, i would probably base Wen off of a mix of both Movie and Musical. For example, Wen is more on the confident side than the shy and closed off side imo, and so is Musical Davey. However there are certain lines from the Movie i’d give him, such as telling Jack their deal needs to be 50/50, which is a line they gave to Les in the musical.

Now the ‘Antagonists’:

I chose Victor Gridley and Midas Gullveig to play Pulitzer and Snyder. (VG=P MG=S).

Gridley and Pulitzer are both Businessmen, so I find this fitting. They are also both the type to screw over the rest of their ‘employees’, so long as it benefits them. Gridley also employs Pronk, whom you will see later is Wiesel. 

Changing Midas from an illegal loan shark to Warden of the Refuge also somewhat makes sense as well, both Midas and Snyder work in their own self interest, and pocket the money they collect for…uses. He also has that creepy air to him, someone lurking in the background, waiting for their perfect time to strike. Not to mention, he just looks/seems like the kind of guy people’d call ‘Snyder the Spider’. 

And, funnily enough, both of their outfits match pretty closely to their Musical counterparts, i didn’t have to change too much hehe

Question though, if both of those men are the ones in power, does that mean that the cops should be the Dementors?? That’d be fun to draw..

Next introduction: The Brooklyn Newsies

I wanted to utilize the Americans we got in hpma, considering the fact that Newsies takes place in the US. So, it only felt right.

Viggo takes the place of Spot Conlon, the leader of the Brooklyn Newsies, and most respected(and probably feared) Newsy out of- well, probably them all. One of the most notable lines that made me put him here was:

‘You’re right Jacky-boy, brains. But I got brains too, and more than just half a one. How do I know you punks wont run the first time some goon comes at ya with a club? How do I know you got what it takes to win?’

And we all know that Viggo loves winning, oh so much. Yes, i’m spouting off his Y4/Season Trailer line. Muahaha. In all reality that is something i could see him saying, maybe minus the ‘Jacky-Boy’ part.

Also at one point, one of the Manhattan Newsies says: ‘I ain’t afraid of no turf!! Spot Conlon just gets me a little…nervous.’

Yeah, no kidding. Viggo would get me nervous too, seriously..

And as Viggo is the leader, i put Zach and Vi as Brooklyn Newsies as well, though they don’t necessarily have specific roles.

*Also, their outfits are based on the Broadway Brooklyn Costumes.

Now for the final introductions:

I’ll go in the order that I've drawn them. 

The Delancys:

I try not to chuck in my OCs, however I didn’t know who else to put as the Delancy Brothers. Daniel and Reggie might have worked, but I don't know Reggie’s character very well, nor did I want the two of them to work on the side of Gridley and Pronk(for…reasons, y3 reasons). So, Ev and Tavis it was. It also rather fits because Ev and Fischer absolutely hate each other and get into fights often, similar to Jack and the Delancys. Tavis, for his part, actually does end up working as some sort of ‘law enforcement’ (kinda)in his story, which is also sort of what the Delancys do as well. 

*Tavis also doesn’t wear his glasses in this, but still sees just as poorly without, hence the squint. This is also why he follows his younger brother around, so he doesn’t make a fool of himself and give those Newsies more ammunition against him. 

Wiesel:

Pronk works for Gridley. That’s literally it. That, and I didn't know who else to put here. So. 

Other Newsies:

I took the majority of the main cast, shoved them into Newsy costumes, and put them on a page. I also took Freddie Clemmons(Gryffindor Prefect) and Jenna Hexsmith(Seasonal Character + NPC near the Lake), as they seemed promising to place here. 

There are three who were actually based off of the Newsies in the Show, Robyn as Racetrack, Daniel as Kid Blink, and Kevin as Crutchie(He seems the most alike out of what I've got, though I do not consider him as the part, rather partially based). The rest are purely fabricated, though I did try to give a nod to their original designs, as I did, and do, with the majority of the Characters I adapt. It is harder to do so without colors, and a lot of them have the colors in my imagination more than anything. hh.

You may notice that Cass and Lottie are missing…well, this is because i’ve given them different roles. They are, rather than Newsies, the people who help Jack, Davey, and Kathrine print the newsies own paper, when Pulitzer banned his from covering any strike news. I thought Cass fit this role better than she would a Newsgirl, and Lottie also seemed to fit. You’ll see this below,

I know some of you might have been waiting to see who i would put as Kathrine and thus Fischer’s love interest, however i do regret to inform you that i have nobody. There really aren’t any hpma girlies who i think actually fit. Some share characteristics, but not enough to say ‘Yes, that’s her!’ Not to mention, i wouldn’t subject half of them to be with Fischer, considering relationships and things that he’s done to people they’re close to. 

So, rather than waiting for who knows how long to post this, I’m bringing it to you. Suggestions? Ideas? Please. I don’t care if it’s a canon character or someone’s OC either, and hey, if it’s an OC, free fanart yayyyy(this is half a joke half not, i will likely draw it once i get a character idea lol)

Anywho, to compensate for the lack of Kathrine, have these silly doodles, in the order of which they happen.

Anyway! I hope that made at least some semblance of sense, I’m pretty bad at conveying my ideas on here 😭

Thanks for reading all of this, anyhow

[jjkamochoso]

💌Valentine’s Day 2025 Event💘

Event masterlist

🍰 with Nanami Kento for @riddle-me-ri

Your ask was so sweet!!! Thank you for the kindness🥹❤️ I hope you love this!!

Nanami was stressed.

His normally organized kitchen apartment was a total catastrophe: pans scattered everywhere, bowls with multiple colored icings lay dormant, the piping bags oozing leftover topping onto the counter. Glancing at the clock, he saw he only had about 10 minutes before you arrived to your Valentine’s Day surprise, the surprise being the cake he had made you by scratch, not the disgusting mess of a kitchen he left behind in his quest for perfection.

Wiping his brow with the back of his hand, he let out an exasperated sigh. The cake was gorgeous, sure, but its beauty was marred by its background.

He had to clean up, stat.

Before he could put a single dish into the sink, he heard a knock at the door. Frantic, he began piling up as many dishes as he could fit in his arms before dumping them into the sink to be taken care of later.

“Kento honey? Is everything alright?” he heard you call out.

“Yes! Be right there!” he answered, moving quickly. He then registered the sound of the door lock clicking; you were using the key he had given you.

“You sounded out of breath so I wanted to see what I could help with,” you said sweetly, putting down the bouquet of flowers and bottle of wine you held. Your eyebrows lifted in curiosity as you peeked behind him. “I think I found it.”

Nanami’s face was coated in an embarrassed blush. “Y/n, darling, I didn’t want you to walk into such a mess. I’m so sorry to have ruined your evening-”

“Kento,” you replied, placing a loving hand on his cheek, “it’s really no big deal! You’re so hard on yourself for no reason. Whatever you made, I’m sure it’s amazing, considering how much hard work it looks like you went through to make it.”

He took a deep breath. “Thank you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Of course you do, my love,” you responded. “Let’s clean up and then celebrate, yeah?”

“That sounds nice.” His lips met yours as he placed his hands lovingly on your waist, melting into your touch. “Actually, why don’t we celebrate first and clean later?”

You had no qualms about that!

[bright-eyed-sinner]

DC Creature Commandoes- Trauma vs. Justice (spoilers!)

I just got done binging the current episodes of Creature Commandos, and at risk of painting myself as some sort of high-brow snob, I think the writer, Mr. James Gunn, has done some pretty genius work. Now, I'm no media critic, and not nearly as media-literate as I should be at my age, but I am a trauma survivor; and the thing that I've noticed about this series is that the main cast- Nina, Dr. Phosphorous, The Bride, Weasel, and GI Robot- all have flashback scenes that, while providing a reason for A.R.G.U.S. to imprison them, are far less focused on that than the characters' trauma. Amidst the gore-splattered scenes of carnage, we get flashbacks to the deaths of friends and loved ones, dreams unattained, and in the unique case of The Bride, pursuit by a suitor she does not want. It's all set up in a way that makes us feel bad for the Commandoes- and of course my ever-mounting hatred for Amanda Waller helps in that cause. What it does NOT do is use that trauma to justify their actions. Dr. Phosphorous is pictured to have slaughtered a crime lord and his family, and taking his throne in order to live a life of hedonism. Frankenstein is seen to have killed multiple people he knew and had meaningful relationships with in cold blood, as soon as they became an obstacle to his all-consuming quest for The Bride. The Bride slaughters indiscriminately, and without qualms, making several allusions to the inferiority of human beings (though I'm not arguing with either of her sets of guns- insert obligatory character design nosebleed. Come on, it's tumblr.) The Weasel is capable of no more than base cunning, with his only interactions being comprised of incentivized behavior- play a game, have a treat, act in the interest of more games and treats. None of this is disputed. No attempt is made to justify it. Yes, they killed. Yes, they will again. No, it is not right or good. And in a medium where storytelling so often defaults to 'if there is a reason, it must be justified', it is a breath of fresh air. Being traumatized does not make anyone's actions excusable. The characters are monsters, and the show expertly explores how they got there- what makes a monster in the first place. No amount of past abuse towards a sexual assailant, a neglectful parent, or an unhinged killer can wish away the consequences of their actions. Neither the narrative nor the characters ever once speak up to say 'this isn't fair.' Because it may once have been unfair- but they are not the same anymore, not the victims anymore. Apologies for the essay, my friends! A good evenoonlighting to you all.

[sepublic]

Alright, let's talk about some details from the TOH pitch bible;

A lot of the stuff is what we've already seen and/or in line with the show. What's interesting is that King WAS a former King of Demons at one point, and we would've had an episode where he runs into his old gang and chooses Luz and Eda over them. It makes me wonder if he even had a connection to the Titan in earlier drafts, if he wasn't recognized as one back in the day because he just wasn't big enough, etc. Eda makes a deal to help remove the collar, which IS the source of King's woes, placed by a 'mysterious wizard', I wouldn't be surprised if it was Obron AKA Proto-Belos.

What gets me is that Tibbles originally started off as a friend to the protagonists, while Bump was an antagonist! Coupled with Tibbles being re-elected as mayor after Bump is deposed for corruption. I like the detail of Bump being a parasite controlling a body from the head, because it carried over into his final design with Frewin, and before we got confirmation Frewin was a separate entity, I loved the joke theory that the imp on Bump's head was the REAL Bump!!! Seems that was always the implied story of the design, I love it. Tibbles being the demon fan of human stuff would eventually become Gus instead, so this is technically Proto-Gus too…?

Interesting how Bump and Tibbles' alignments switch completely with one another, and it makes sense that with Lilith no longer the principal in the final draft, it goes to Bump, who ends up being really chill and a subversion in his own right! Interesting, but I do prefer the final Bump we got, and that's fine by me, because when the concepts aren't as interesting as the final product, it means we got the best possible version.

I've already discussed Obron and William in a separate post, and Pupa is someone we've been told about in a previous livestream. Lilith would've been both head of all covens (and not just the Emperor's Coven) AND principal at the same time, and she seems much more of a jerk to Eda in general; She has no qualms with cursing Eda because of a direct order from Obron.

Apparently the curse would've been an AGING spell, which settles my questions on how it would've been portrayed in earlier drafts! This goes along with Eda's older look. Likewise, there would've been a subplot of Eda considering Luz's sacrifice as a way to restore her youth, which likely goes hand in hand with Obron's orders to bring Luz to her, etc. The 'Bloom of Eternal Youth' quest, which Eda and Lilith go through together as their sisterly relationship is explored, feels like a carryover from this past idea.

I think I prefer the final draft; I like that the curse isn't just aging Eda, but also takes away her magic, makes her turn into a beast, etc. I like Lilith being a lot more complicated in her relationship with Eda, instead of just hating her and cursing her without hesitation. The redefining of the curse makes it less about age, and more a chronic illness metaphor, and I like how Eda in the final draft is upfront about having to learn to live with it, deal with it, on her own terms. She isn't trying to find a cure (although Lilith being promised one by Obron feels like a carryover of Eda's moral dilemma with Luz), and that adds another nice dimension to her conflict with Lilith, as well as Gwen. It's pretty frank in its own right about normalizing disability, and those who play an antagonistic role (however brief) are the real weirdoes for making such a fuss about it.

The Bat Queen would've had more of a recurring role based on the description, which saddens me; I always got the vibe she was planned for more, but between all of the other stuff the show had to juggle, plus the shortening, she ended up getting shafted despite being one of the earlier characters. Sashley, Pasha, and Bruno are also interesting, with Pasha in particular giving me freaking Philip Wittebane vibes with his grossness, beard, and anti-demon attitude; He even starts off as a potential friend to Luz because fellow human, only for his true bigotry to show. Makes me wonder if Philip ended up incorporating Pasha, we also have bodily transformation because of consuming magical stuff... P-names.

(Also, I like how in the drawing of typical Demon Realm denizens, I can see an eye demon who resembles a past drawing of Dana's!!!)

Eda was actually a late bloomer, which creates a parallel with Luz in one way, and their relationship is referred to as sisterly (in the final draft it’s explicitly maternal). So Eda wouldn't have been the talented youth, in fact things may have switched between her and Lilith; Lilith's disdain may have partially come from Eda not being as innately talented as her.

Luz and Amity's dynamic seems like it would've had Amity retain a lot of her more stand-offish, pragmatic personality even as a friend with Luz, and this would've come up more; So basically, she'd remain more like S1 Amity. That, or this part of their relationship would've lasted longer, and then we would've seen character development as Amity unlearns a lot of the issues her parents passed on. I also wonder if the Willow who cameos in the pilot was originally supposed to just be an extra separate from ‘Paulina’, but then they combined the two together.

The themes are exactly as I expected, glad to see they're still there, nothing changed! Luz becoming a witch and defying all odds to do so, putting in real work and passion. Celebrating individuality amidst conformity, plus Luz trying to impose her own fictional tropes onto the world, only to have to put that aside... Just like Wing it like Witches. It seems Amity would've had more involvement with Luz's journey to become a witch, though we still do have a carryover of that disconnect with her rant near the end of Covention.

I love the Demon Realm being situated BELOW the Human Realm, way to be subtle about being Hell you guys lol... Apparently portals to the human world are a lot rarer to find and use, which makes me wonder if the pilot's 'dimension port' doesn't have access to the human world; Meaning Amity is Luz's only way back, so her improved relationship with her is linked to getting back home. There's a gag about the Knee having service with the human world, but I can see how that didn't make the cut, for dramatic purposes; It seems like the premise for a S1 episode or at least a B-plot. Would Luz have struggled to communicate with Camila through this, or would her search for wi-fi be for mundane reasons?

Apparently Luz's magic would've required a lot more steps to complete, and I see why the show simplified things down to just glyphs. I wonder if there was always going to be the connection of glyphs as a gift from the Titan, or if the Titan and her story was going to be less intertwined in the overall narrative. There also don't seem to be nine main covens, just the many, many covens, some of which are pretty ridiculous, and Covention's sub-covens seem a callback to that.

Luz's first spell would've been levitation, and THEN she would've infiltrated Hexside, with Amity being a lot subtler about exposing Luz, though in the final draft she does figure that out as the way to go in I was a Teenage Abomination. Yeah, I prefer Light being her original spell, feels so much more symbolic and personal, etc. I wonder if the Titan is even as much of a character in early drafts, and if there's still the whole connection/relationship with the land and learning to respect it aspect. Some of these hypothetical episodes push the idea of Amity as a more episodic, typical popular kid antagonist, though in the final draft, the show goes through her character development and explores Amity's romantic relationship with Luz and its complications.

It seems the idea of the Mirror Ghost was split into Adegast and Vee, with Adegast being the one who offers the easier narrative for Luz to believe in about becoming a witch (only to be a fraud who uses uncanny puppets), and Vee being a doppelganger whom Luz communicates through with mirrors. Interesting how Yesterday's Lie was born from this. We saw the test animation from Spencer Wan for TOH, so I guess we know what Luz's puppet-doppelganger is called! And we can safely call her Proto-Vee. I wonder if she also would've been a sympathetic character, I always thought she reminded me of Lake from Infinity Train (and speculated her to be as such since Enchanting Grom Fright), and now the similarities are even MORE apparent!

Alas, The Good Witch Azura, or 'The Unassuming Princess' seems like it'd have been a lot less dear to Luz's heart, as the pilot also reflects; In the end, it turns out the author is just Eda's ex using her adventures as basis, and including private information. I remember when I once speculated that Raine, before we saw their face, would've been just like this as the author of Azura... Again, I think I prefer Azura as being a lot less mean-spirited in the final draft, and instead a celebration of who Luz is as a person, her relationship with fantasy and fiction, etc. We also would've had a Luz birthday party, the Quincenera we've been hoping for since S1...! In the final draft (and episode) we still get that Human-Demon Realm disconnect, though by that point, Luz is much more attuned and chill with the isles.

There’s definitely more of an episodic, sitcom feel to this pitch bible, especially when you compare Proto-Yesterday’s Lie to its final version. Makes sense, Dana is pitching this to Disney executives, though her statement on Understanding Willow feeling truly like her show makes me wonder if she always intended to push TOH in that more serious, emotional route we got.

[madamefluffnstuff]

So with all the Martin Septim thirsting going around (as you do), I'm going to throw my personal Martin experience out there.

Perhaps it had something to do with the fact I was a pretty lonely mid-teen when I first played Oblivion, but I *really* wanted an older sibling figure around that time. And when I and my HOK met Martin, I knew he was The One. I spent the whole game trying to protect him and treating him like the older brother I never had. And yet still had to protect.

I mean come on- Martin very obviously cares about the HOK, there is no secret there; the way he talks to and about them, how he refers to them. They saved his life multiple times. They go out of their way more often than not to help him with his quest. They've recovered literal Daedric artifacts for him to use. The Hero has absolutely no qualms about risking their life for him and Martin likewise.

And not once did I see that as a romantic thing. However I can definitely and completely see how it would be interpreted as romantic, and I support those who do interpret it in that light 1,000%, that is absolutely valid. But it was never that way for me.

Now this may be just me and my unpopular opinion, but I personally feel there's lots of room to read it as a strong familial Found Family (TM) aspect. Every family dynamic is different, and sometimes it's the escaped criminal and the prodigal son and they both have a role to fulfill in a prophecy they can't escape. Martin Septim always was and always will be my HOK's big brother.

Though sometimes, even a hero can't save their family from fate.

[scullysbagelmuldersicedtea]

My thoughts on En ami S7E15 , also Mulder is royally pissed- love it.

My analysis- i spent too much time thinking about it due to the controversy. Please note revival spoilers***, do bookmark and revisit this when you're up to date. I spilled my gut..

3-5 min read :)

CSM- A father figure

He mentioned his affection for Mulder and Scully. He essentially created them. Mulder's obsessive quest for the truth, especially surrounding his sister's abduction was orchestrated by him.

He loved Mulder. He was seen to be mourning (privately) when Mulder was "dead" S4E24 S05E01. He protected him, not selflessly of course. Likewise, he protected Scully. CSM had no qualms about assassinating powerful figures throughout his life—it would’ve been easy for him to eliminate Mulder and Scully if he had truly wanted to. But he didn’t.

Father (metaphorically) of the miracle 

"How else do you explain that fearless devotion to a man obsessed, and, yet, a life alone? You'd die for Mulder but you won't allow yourself to love him."

Beautifully said by CSM. He observed, knew and understood Scully and Mulder as though as they were his own children.

Let's ponder what happened in the revival (spoilers ***), stay with me before you roll your eyes, gag or BOTH. The notion of CSM being the father of William can be seen metaphorically. Please hear me out ..

Sometimes it takes an outsider to point out the obvious- to enlighten Scully. The invisible wall came down and she finally gave herself a chance to love Mulder — ultimately led to William's conception. In that sense, CSM is, indirectly, the “creator” of William. Okay maybe too much credit to CSM... read on

Yes, CSM spun the narrative to suit his agendas—he always does. The “William parentage” twist, written by Chris Carter, was deeply disturbing for many. But it got people talking. The show never fully explored this claim, and considering CSM’s long history of lies, I believe it was another one. After all, the producers and Carter himself have repeatedly confirmed that William is the biological child of M&S.

En Ami (french) —as a friend He wanted to be an ally. He chose to keep Mulder in the dark for obvious reason. He chose Scully because she was a scientist (discussed later) and also because she was altruistic(not to say Mulder wasn't). She was a scientist and a medical doctor and hence possessed the skillset which ultimately made her the "ideal" person to contact for this mission- using Scully to destroy disc.

In the car, he picked up a cigarette, then proceeded to discard it —said "maybe it is time to stop", hinting that it was time to be an ally. His smoking was a reflection of anxieties and guilt due to his past and position within the Syndicate (as revealed in the Musing of the CSM episode). So that scene (to stop smoking) showed that he thought about being good, to be an ally to Scully - ultimately Mulder and humanity.

Why Scully? No, I do not believe Scully acted out of character. A good scientist is inherently inquisitive. She was compassionate. It is my opinion that no man in this universe deserves such great power to heal, let alone holds the secrets to curing all diseases. We are not meant to be immortals. Natural selection must runs its course! The knowledge the disc contained could very well doom humanity. Let’s be honest—humans are selfish by nature. Neither Scully nor Mulder could protect that information from the world forever.

En Ami or Enemy? (pardon the tongue twist, also not a native speaker) A true villain always believes in the righteousness of their cause.

Two ways to view the action of CSM:

He was trying to be an ally to humanity by destroying the disc.

(More plausible reason) He extracted what he needed from the disc to heal himself, then destroyed it to ensure he remained at the top of the food chain. In doing so, he once again became a villain to Mulder and Scully, having used Scully in a selfish mission under the pretense of goodwill. Therefore proceeded to smoke again as he deals with the weight of the world's darkest secrets.

The concept of “scientific impregnation” could also be spun into this narrative. Alien technology might have been used to repair Scully’s DNA, enabling her to conceive again. No (sexual) violation involved—just a cutaneous prick/jab of alien tech. Like your parents vaccinated you as a kid- you weren't given a choice were you? A “gift” (in CSM's opinion) to Scully, offered under the guise of friendship or guilt- WHO KNOWS....

Alternatively—or additionally—CSM may be seen as a metaphorical father to William. He thought his manipulation and carefully chosen words could have opened Scully’s heart to Mulder, ultimately leading to the child’s miraculous conception, possibly aided by alien tech.

Last but not least, it was a beautiful performance piece by Gillian Anderson, William B. Davis, and David Duchovny. The episode was more layered and nuanced than I remembered. Mulder was royally pissed and I love it!

[lillotte17]

Okay, I’ve done 2 play throughs and I’m well into my 3rd, so I feel like my review of the game can be (mostly) fair and not as emotionally driven as it was when I finished the first time. (this is very long >_>)

I want to start with the good things!

The game is beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. I was not crazy about the stylistic change of the graphics from DAI at first, but once I started playing, I really loved it. The maps are huge and unique. I find something new every time. I love all the little puzzles and sneaky little side quests you can find. I the little sneaky cameos of items and songs from other games.

I love the mechanics of being able to use companions’ special abilities when they are not in your party. I still wish we got 3 people in our party instead of just 2 for balance reasons, but otherwise I find the fighting really engaging and dynamic.

I love that they brought back specific banter spots, shortened the time between when the next banter triggers AND allowed for recovery of the conversation if it got interrupted by something. Thank you for my LIFE. Waiting for certain banters to trigger in DAI was awful lmao.

I really appreciated the effort they put into the CC, allowing for greater body type differences and the various gender options. Long hair, curly hair, please and thank! The CC took some getting used to, but once I got the hang of it, it’s fun just to build characters, lol.

I really liked the easy upgrades and enchantments for your armors, and I LOVED being able to wear whatever the best armor was, but have a different armor visible. Great call, team! Do that for always and ever. The only qualm I had was that I would have liked to be able to change the colors on some of the outfits, but really, there was such a good variety, this is a very minor complaint.

In terms of storyline, my favorite quest was the Blood of Arlathan, and I also liked the final push at the end through Minrathous. Big surprise that the things I liked best was actually getting to fight with Solas on my team again, lol. But those where also the times where it really felt like everything was on the table, you know? Weisshaupt was a strong contender, too. That quest was so fasted paced, it made it a little hard to appreciate just how much was going on around you. But asking your local assassin to stab a god-cloud is never not funny, so that one gets good points, too.

Overall, the gameplay is really strong. The rollout was really smooth. I didn’t really encounter any bugs, except for one time I managed to change all the subtitles to French? But I think that might have been a user error. If I was just here for a generic fantasy game, this would get 10/10. It’s fun to play and it’s pretty. You can stab stuff, and throw magic around, and there are dragons.

However…

The storyline and the pacing was a mess. Which is honestly baffling from a BioWare game. I am not saying this with spite or hatred, because I know that EA tried to kill this game repeatedly, so it’s kind of amazing that we got anything at all, BUT it’s still frustrating, because…I can SEE IT. I can SEE all the pieces of a REALLY good story. An AMAZING story. The story I WANTED to play!!! And it’s like…it all got put together wrong.

The nearly nonexistent romances are honestly the worst offenders here. Even if they wanted to keep the rating down to make it more accessible to a wider audience, there is no reason why I should only have ONE opportunity to kiss my love interest over the course of an 80+ hour game. SOLAVELLAN had more unique romance scenes and kisses than you get with Lucanis and he DUMPS your character before coming back to steal your hand. Not to mention the fact that it is possible for your LI to die before you ever get to actually say you love them or anything. Davrin was my first romance. At the end of Tearstone Island like…I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t feeling my PCs grief that her boyfriend whom she had kissed exactly one time was dead. I was PISSED. I don’t think I have ever been so mad about a writing choice, and I am a certified Tragedy Enjoyer. It didn’t even feel like a good tragic blow, because they didn’t take the time to build up the romance before killing him. And Rook hardly gets a second to mourn afterwards, so it was just kind of a nothingburger that made me feel like I wasted all the time I had spent playing for it. (I went back and changed it so he lived but jfc)

Speaking of killing characters: Varric. It was a mistake. I know what they were going for. I see what they were trying to do. But it was a mistake. First of all, they relied way too much on the idea that the player has played the other games, in the sense that the story just opens with Rook already with Varric, who they have known for over a year, and then they turn around and nerf him in the first act. There’s no time to establish how Rook feels about Varric, or how they feel about this quest they’ve been on for so long, you just get thrown into it without preamble. And then, Varric is just kind of… there. He’s Rook’s cheerleader, but he almost never has any real advice, and you almost never get to have a discussion with him. Which means, when you find out what happened to him later, the emotional blow is relying almost entirely on your attachment to Varric from previous games instead of the game you are currently playing.

Also, I figured out he was dead pretty early on, so the reveal had almost no impact, and felt a bit ham-fisted, if I’m being honest.

The second reason it was a mistake is that…it just felt like an excuse to make the player hate Solas. Like, it honestly feels like that is the only reason they did it. Which seems so unnecessary? The man is responsible for the fucking blight and the death of the titans and is currently trying to tear the Veil down, and you think that’s not ENOUGH motivation for the PC to want to give him the middle finger???

Which brings us to: Solas. I love this man. I love Solavellan. I love his story. I love THEIR story. But…if I had played this game first, I don’t think I would have cared about redeeming him. All of the companions tell stories about second chances and redemption and being able to change your nature, and I KNOW that was supposed to be in reference to Solas, I know it was but… It just felt like they did almost nothing to SHOW you how much he was trying to do the right thing every time he fucked up. How badly he wanted to be a hero and a protector, and someone giving wisdom instead of orders. When we saw his regrets and talked about them with the team, I really thought it was going to be relevant later. I thought it would come up in conversation with Solas, and depending on how you talked to him about the things you saw, you could slowly guide him towards choosing a better path at the end. I thought it would all be on Rook, and their choice to take a chance to try and redeem him or not. But in the end, it didn’t matter. It only unlocked Mythal. She was the only thing that made a difference. Not Rook. Not your Inquisitor. Not any of the other choices you made in the entire game or the one that preceded it. Don’t get me wrong, I am SO grateful they squeezed a Solavellan ending in there for us, really and truly. But the fact that he was so in love with her during DAI that he was about to give up everything without her even asking, and he’s so torn up about her during Trespasser that he can hardly let her close to him because just being in proximity to her makes him want to stop everything and stay with her, and then when she shows up at the end of Veilguard and asks him to stop…he pauses for even less time to consider the option than when ROOK asks. And then Mythal holds more sway with him by like 1000%. Just. Felt very much like a downgrade. (Also I wanted a hug. He needed a fucking hug and my Lavellan would have hugged the Bad Choices right out of him)

There are other things. Dwarves getting sidelined again. Slavery in Tevinter barely being touched on. The weird idea of the Crows being a good option for orphans with nowhere to go. The SUPER uncomfortable end of Bellara’s quest where a non-elf Rook can have an opinion on what she should do with the history of her people. But those are kind of like…small potatoes. Typical BioWare story flubs tbh.

I know, my complaints are much longer than my praises, but I really do like playing the game. Really and truly. It is a good game, and I am eternally grateful that they got it to us at all. I just…wish we could have gotten the story I think they wanted to tell us, instead of what we ended up with. But as they say: That’s what Fanfic is for. <3

[another-goblin]

I really liked "Luminary Wardance", maybe even more than the main quest from that patch. But I have a problem with Boothill's involvement. As I see it, either the writing was bad for that part even by the HSR's uneven standards, or I'm missing something (which is quite possible, so please correct me if I'm wrong), but that's my problem.

1. Boothill is described as "extremely optimistic and unrestrained. He is a member of the Galaxy Rangers who swore to punish the wretched by any and all means." That little event before his release described some of his crimes: wild, fun, and chaotic; I don't remember him derailing trains full of orphans or something. He was appalled when Aventurine accused him of killing his bodyguards. So basically I understood him as a character who, despite all the hardships, under his inhuman appearance and gruff manners, hasn't lost his humanity and fundamentally is a good person, valuing human lives. 

Was I wrong?

Because now he has no problem killing an innocent, disabled, and severely mentally ill kid in this supposedly friendly competition, basically for no reason.

Look, he's grinning maniacally; he crearly has no qualms about this; he's aiming for the head:

2. But let's imagine Luka wasn't swift enough. The floor of the arena is covered with his blood, brain matter, and skull fragments, exactly as Boothill threatened.

Luka's father receives terrible news back at home (would Boothill send a little apology letter? like, "whoops, sorry", or "same, bro", or "he had it coming"?) He's left alone to grieve the violent loss of his child on this dying planet, once invaded by the IPC and abandoned by the universe. Wow, well done, Boothill. That will show the IPC!

As a writer, how little should you care about the story and the characters you are writing about to not notice the obvious parallel?

3. But why did he do that? The writers give us the flimsiest excuse: 

Boothill: I wanna see every news outlet in the cosmos buzzin' with the headline "The IPC's most wanted man stole the spotlight at the Wardance. He came out with the fudge blazin' and sure made them IPC shirtbags choke on the humble pie."

Okay, let's pretend he killed Luka, this fan favorite underdog, in front of the whole universe. Let's pretend he wasn't spooked away by some IPC cops (and we'll talk about it later). He fought Yanqing and killed him too. He just proved in front of the whole universe that he's actually as cruel and dangerous as the IPC propaganda said. And he got a new powerful enemy (because I don't think JY would be reasonable about losing his child like this. I mean, how many greiving fathers can we get in one hypothetical scenario?)

I don't think the IPC higher-ups will lose any sleep over it! 

4. Was there even a need to kill anybody? It's explicitly stated several times that "by holding the Wardance, they're demonstrating to everyone that they've returned to a state of peace and safety" (and it's not to satisfy people's thirst for blood or something). It's a festival, not some kind of death fight. I've got the impression that it's mostly for younger people to have fun and prove themselves. Most of the competing powerful adults don't even show their full strength. Nobody is expected to kill anybody. Yanqing decisively defeated Luka, and they ended up being friends.

Don't tell me Boothill isn't skilled enough to aim for Luka's arm to disable it with a shot (I mean that's what ended up happening but not for his lack of trying!). Or, if he wanted blood, why not just shoot Luka in the kneecaps? He'd probably need two new prosthetics, but he'd definitely be alive.

5. I already showed that Boothill would've achieved nothing if he won. But what about Luka? Maybe it's his fault? Was he too prideful? Was giving up an option for him? Absolutely not. He wasn't just representing himself, the children of the Underworld who believe in him, and that little girl who died, but his whole planet. It's the first time most people even hear about Jarilo-VI. And the first impression is crucial. Jarilo-VI is far from being safe, their chances for survival are tiny. Any support he can gain might be the matter of life and death for his homeworld. And we know that it worked because JY offered the Luofu's help to Jarilo in the end.

6. Btw, he only "fought" Luka because he knew he's much weaker than him, and then he ran away from some random IPC cops (who wouldn't have arrested him anyways because the Luofu clearly don't consider him a criminal, and they probably wouldn't allow the IPC to just arrest people on their territory). I'm not making this up, he literally says it himself:

Boothill: This kid (Yanqing) is young, but he's got some serious skills. Facing him will take too long and there's no guarantee of winning. It ain't worth gettin' caught by those forkin' IPC hounds over a competition.

So "I don't want to try and kill that kid because he can actually win". Our hero, everybody.

I mean, I'm not the only one who sees this, right? Again, it's very possible that I'm missing something important, and it all makes sense. Is he supposed to be a coward as well as a cold-blooded murderer? I don't believe that. It looks like a terrible slander of Boothill by the game's writers. Is everybody okay with it?

7. This whole confrontation kind of makes sense as the lowest point in Luka's story until you look closer. Getting to their lowest point is an important part of a hero's journey, but it usually happens in the beginning, indicating the need for the hero to change and grow, or in the end, as a test. But it happens in the middle. And it kind of doesn't change anything much?.. He gets over it and just continues competing.

The kind of character our hero loses to is also very important. It might be a mindless goon or a "for me it was Tuesday" type of villain, unrlated to our guy in any way, allowing the story to concentrate on the hero's journey. Or the antagonist's personality might be important for the story, highlighting their personal relationship with the hero or their conflicting ideologies; our hero overcoming the antagonist not only physically but mentally too, probably allowing them both to grow.

But it's neither. Boothill isn't a faceless goon, he's a complex character, a protagonist of his own tragic story. Their ideologies or goals don't clash (other than the serfuce level "I want to win this competition"). They don't have any personal history either. Boothill just appears, attempts to murder Luka, and basically disappears from the story.

8. Speaking of, you know what would be great? If instead of threatening Luka and then shooting him point blank, they actually talked. If Boothill had some character development by realizing that other people's struggles might be more important than his own pursuit of revenge sometimes. I mean, Luka was literally fighting to save his planet.

But instead, it feels like the writers just used Boothill as a tool in Luka's story, ruining him in the process.

9. Okay I'll shut up now. I'm too wordy and anal retentive. I just needed to get it out of my system. But I could go on and on. The more I think about it, the more problems I see. Like, why was their confrontation clearly styled after a classical cowboy standoff when only one of them had a gun? It makes no sense. Why did the journalists and fans have problems with Boothill's gun after the match? Didn't we just fight Topaz and her goons, who use guns too? Why wasn't it a problem then? Why did Luka faint after shielding himself from the bullet? I don't think he was wounded. And if he was wounded seriously enough to faint, then how did he manage to recover fast enough for the next match? Especially considering that the Luofu's healthcare mostly consists of feeding people normal food and giving them pets. Speaking of which, what was that dialog with Natasha in the beginning? Is he also terminally ill?… And why was Boothill borderline abelist about Luka's prosthetic arm? Yes, it was IPC branded at this point, but it's not like he just hates everything related to the IPC. He's basically good friends with Aventurine, and he had no problems sharing a small ship with Topaz and Jade. Btw, despite HSR being as vague about characters' ages as possible, it's kind of implied that Luka's underaged ("The tea served there isn't suitable for someone his age", "That red-head boy is actually… Luka from Belobog?" and so on). Boothill nearly killed a (probably) actual child in cold blood. A kid from a planet that just nearly survived IPC's military invasion. What were the writers thinking???

[quirkwall]

Spoilers: "Bloodbath Quest" pictures under the read more.

Before it all, here's one of my coolest Lucanis (Spite) pictures yet. A shame the subtitles got in the way.

I really enjoyed this quest. Fighting a boss in a pool of blood was oddly epic, it was a pretty good setting for a fight. Especially if you play as a mage and imagine how tempting it must be for them to juuuustt use what's already so available, so ready, so much... better and faster.

Regardless. It's pretty obvious Illario is betraying the family and trying to pull some strings. The fact Zara called him "amatus" is proof enough.

However, that was my only qualm with this quest. I am playing a Tevinter elf. My elf speaks the language, he should know she was about to say "amatus", he should have had some dialogue about that. Oh well, one can just pretend he and Lucanis didn't quite get the word. It was an intense moment after all.

Anyway here's some piss poor pictures of the boss fight area plus some more Spite, Illario and Zara.

The fight itself was mid. Not the best in the game by far. The setting though? Easily one of my favourites, but I might be biased.

[crispywaffles2]

Hi I love you writing, so I wanted to ask you about some headcanons about a relashionship with The brotherhood members and a Male S/O

I hope you have a good day kisses

Of course!! Thank you for requesting, it means so much to me! I really hope this is up to par! Kisses! (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)

Brotherhood with a Male!S/O

Azure Lion:

He is the most supportive boyfriend ever

Azure pushes you to your limits and encourages you to go beyond!

He's a little less affectionate with you when you're around everyone else, mostly because he doesn't want to have to endure their endless teasing

When you two are by yourselves though, expect a lot more contact

From small things like gentle shoulder squeezes to more obvious things like peppering kisses over your face

He isn't hesitant about roughhousing with you at all, and treats you as if you're just another member of the Brotherhood (he's way more affectionate with you but yk)

He's a lil old fashioned, not in a toxic or bad way though

He's the type that believes men should be strong and capable so that they can protect the ones they care about

Best believe hes urging you to train with him or join him and the brotherhood on their silly quests

If he were to get drunk (which is surprisingly rare), he would be all over you

He would NOT be ashamed to get handsy in front of everyone else in his drunk daze (much to Wukong's demise. He's exaggeratedly gagging at you two the whole time)

He values quality time with you where he can be vulnerable without his sworn brothers teasing, so he might take you on quiet, secluded dates, just to be close and cuddly with you without the pressures of others

Peng:

Their so fruity its not even funny.

They have absolutely no qualms with showing you off and letting everyone know that you two are together

They call everyone 'darling', including you, but be prepared for some other more exclusive nicknames

'Dear, love, and sweetheart' are just a few of the many they'd call you

They're always touching you in some way, whether it be wrapping an arm around your shoulders, resting a feathered hand atop your head, or leaning against you

Maybe its because they want everyone to know you're theirs, or maybe its because they like knowing that you're there beside them. Who knows

Just because you're partners doesn't mean you won't be subjected to their teasing

They always have something to say

"Hm, your hair is a bit out of place darling. I'd fix that up if I were you."

"I knew you were helpless, but I didn't think it was to the point where you had to rely on others pointing out your clothes are on backwards."

But If their quips start bothering you and they notice, their always quick to reassure you in their own.. special way

"You are such a twit. You know I don't mean any of that my love. My only real insults are reserved for that damn monkey."

They love giving you kisses everywhere except your lips (just because they like teasing you)

They think its funny when your face goes red after they give you a teasing slap to the rear

Even though it might be hard to tell, under all of that teasing and jest, Peng loves you dearly

Yellowtusk:

He is so protective of you

Not to the point where it's overbearing, but he still has a tendency to be a worry wart

"Have you eaten today dear?"

Please just reassure him you're alright, don't leave him hanging

He's definitely the wisest of the group, and follows his head more than his heart

Because of this, the Brotherhood sometimes tends to drown him out

If you're willing to sit through his ramblings or stories then he's eternally grateful

He's not really one to initiate things like kisses, so you'll have to take the reigns on that part cause he's a little shy! (and he's worried he might hurt you with one of his tusks)

He has no problem initiating things like hugs and cuddles though

If you ever come into his study while he's working on something, he'll happily plop you down on his lap and explain what he's doing while he works

You two are so comfortable and casual around each other that someone could mistake you two for just friends at a glance

But Yellowtusk knows that he doesn't need hugs or kisses or cuddles to know that he's utterly head over heels for you

[starglitterz]

♡ 神っぽいな (GOD-ISH)

❝ look down on me behind your mask, but what are you without it? a candle barely burning can't be said to be alive. ❞

✧ feat ; dottore, gn!reader

✧ warning(s) ; toxic relationship between a weirdo and his creation, implied experiments on humans, implied torture, reader is Going Through It, overuse of em dash & italics LOL

✧ a/n ; happy february! i have been Obsessed w this man ever since playing the sumeru archon quest 😵‍💫 idk if this can even be classified as x reader but here we are ! the lyrics i used are from lyrinae's english cover of god-ish (the original is a vocaloid song by pinocchiop) bc i felt like this song rly suits the doctor JSDJKS,,, i hope you all enjoy :) !!

“you disgust me.” you spit the harsh words out, eyes narrowing as you glare at the man (can he even be called a man anymore?) in front of you. “it pains me that my most beautiful creation thinks so lowly of me,” dottore sighs exaggeratedly, bringing one hand up to caress your cheek. the tips of his black gloves are hidden razors, sharp enough to draw blood and that is the sole reason why you don't recoil from his icy touch. yet another addition to the long list of weapons he keeps on his person at all times – the doctor is strangely paranoid for one who claims to be godlike. 

you shudder as he leans towards you, breath warm against the skin you fear he’s going to scratch apart as punishment for your insolence. though dottore designed you to be pristine and perfect, you know better than anyone else that he holds no qualms about damaging what he made with his own hands. you doubt he's ever seen you as a person, simply viewing you as a means to an end in his furious quest to ‘enhance’ humanity – and now you represent nothing more than his success.

a smirk curves dottore’s lips, fangs peeking through like a wolf showing its canines as it hunts its prey, “you really are stunning…” he stalks ever closer, trapping you between his arms as your back presses against the cold steel of his operating table. you don't want to go back there. merely being in this room is bringing back a flood of memories so horrible you’re almost trembling – the doctor does not believe in anesthesia, and so you’ve been wide awake every time he carved you open for the sake of ‘improving’ you. “practically a miracle,” he continues admiring his handiwork in a low murmur, tilting his head ever so slightly as he fixes his gaze on you, red eyes gleaming wickedly in the dark. a sardonic smirk mars his features at the thought – how could you be a a gift from the gods when he doesn't even believe in them?

“get away from me.” you hiss, though there's a barely perceptible tremor in your tone – dottore is your creator, after all. it’d be foolish to go against the man who built you when he could just as simply dismantle you. “come now, don't be like that.” he coos, and the sound of his voice grates against your ears like nails on a chalkboard, “i don't bite. at least not without reason.” he chuckles at his own joke, using one finger to tug at his mouth and show off his serrated teeth – they could pierce through your skin so, so easily.

the doctor’s face is mere inches from yours as he whispers, a sadistic smile gracing his lips at your terrified expression, “scared, are you?” you swallow, willing yourself to ignore the question as you suck in a ragged breath, “i haven’t looked at a mirror since you…” you can’t bring yourself to finish your sentence. what word would you even use? after all the time you’ve spent with him, you think you just might be brainwashed enough to say he was simply ameliorating you. “and that is your loss,” dottore chuckles, his hand slipping lower to caress the curve of your neck, his thumb hovering dangerously close to your pulse point, “as i said, you're exquisite.”

you wonder if he can hear your heart beating desperately against your ribcage from fear, then you remember – you don’t have a heart. not anymore. and that makes you even more upset as you hiss, “you ruined me.” for some reason, this strikes a nerve with him, and he grabs your chin roughly, forcing you to meet his eyes. “my darling…” his pupils are dilated, and his laugh is almost manic as he replies, “i made you better than your puny human form could even dream of being.” 

“now, you're flawless.” dottore grins, a wild, reckless look in his eyes that reminds you again just how insane he is. “all these years of experiments, of hearing your delicious sobs and pleas…” he pauses for effect, relishing in the stifled whimper that escapes your perfectly crafted mouth as you remember everything he's done to you, “it all culminated in the you that you are now.” “stop.” you beg, but it's worthless now – there's no more bite behind your words, and dottore knows he’s broken you once again. though you've long since realised you will never best him, you still argue with him whenever he brings you to his laboratory, doing your best to fight back with what little mental strength you have left – some part of the doctor wants to cut your pretty head right open to see what's ticking in there and remove the source of your hatred. 

but it matters not, for dottore will continue teaching you the same lesson as many times as you need until you get it through your thick skull. 

he created you, and you would be nothing without him.

( and if you refuse to grasp this concept, he can always create a new version of you – one that doesn't talk back so much. )

i can Never be normal abt scara or dottore,,, anyways this is one of my favourite pieces that i've ever written, and i really hope that you all like it too ! please do let me know what you think :>

© starglitterz 2024. do not repost or modify in any way – reblog / follow if you enjoyed !

[malottie]

My qualms with Nine Sols

1: The problem with the endings

2 Introduction: The lessons from the Sols

2: Why I can't agree with the true ending being a good ending

3: The last element of confusion : difference in treatment

The problem with the endings

the fact that the catalyst for which ending happens is whether Eigong decides to infect the Fusang or not makes it feel kinda disconnected from player decision.

i get the idea that in one you align yourself with solarians so she entrusts Yi with the future but in the other you want to help the apemen so she goes on her mad scientist thing but there's no clear moment in the game where you show your allegiance to either side (well there is but there is no logical way for her to know your choice as she's already in the council room at that time) and the fact that the dialogue with her is so similar between the 2 endings makes it feel extremely random

i did the true ending first then the base one and i was baffled when she just keeled over

there's also the fact that there's only 2 endings. for a game it makes sense not to have too many but there's so many things wrong with having just these two extremes with no room inbetween for nuance, the thing the game seemed to have been directing us towards. ryzomatic arrow + apemen friendly = true ending

so if you wanna help the apemen, do everything with shuanshuan and shennong etc but don't have the ryzomatic arrow suddenly she decides she's fine with you and just dies on the floor ? it makes sense gameplay-wise because it would lead to a failed true ending where all solarians of new kunlun become mutated monstruous immortals, which would be extremely frustrating because nothing ever hints at you to go get the ryzomatic bomb or its importance for the ending but it's pretty stupid you'll have to admit

and then even if you helped the village and became close with shuanshuan, as long as you don't choose the ending where you blow yourself up you're forced into the one where you have a full storage room continually supplied with apemen brains

there is no inbetween. you're either a lunatic who has learned nothing after your meaningless quest for vengeance and continues exploiting and torturing other species to fuel your escapism. or. a lunatic that has come to peace with yourself after your meaningless quest for vengeance so much that you don't care about dying at all and decide to obliterate yourself, your last comrades and your past in a blaze of pseudo-nuclear energy

this puts growth not as a progressive spectrum, but as a balance where change is meaningless and inexistent unless that change is complete in all aspects, which is harmful and incorrect

The lessons from the Sols

each boss has a piece of meaning, a lesson attached to it

Kuafu shows you that vengeance is rarely about moral and justice, but rather an endeavor originating from interpersonnal conflict

Goumang teaches you that both good and bad intentions can lead to dark extremes and that vengeance can transform you into something worse than what you seek to destroy

Yanlao demonstrates that some traditions aren't worth holding on to and wherever power, money and/or status rules, corruption always arises

Jiequan is about how those that idealise the past and cling to bygone glory are stuck and cannot move forward, hurting everyone around in their single-mindedness

Lady Ethereal exemplifies that silence is compliance, and keeping quiet stabilises the status quo, helping only a very few, but also that guilt is meaningless if it causes you to shrink and auto-flagellate instead of fixing your mistakes and helping others

Ji's message is that immortality is a curse and deathlessness brings meaninglessness (which i don't necessarely agree with but sure)

and Fuxi and Nuwa drive home the point that running away from your problems (no matter the way) never solves them

but Eigong has a lot of stuff

Why I can't agree with the true ending being a good ending

"no goal is worth sacrificing everything you have". "being unable to accept failure as a part of life will drive you insane and endanger everything around you including what you aim to do", which is all fine but after that is where i don't agree with the final concusion reached in the shooting star ending. yes, you can't always stop bad things from happening. yes, dedicating all your energy to trying nonetheless is both an inevitable consequence of hope and something that can swallow you whole. yes, all things are destined to end

and in the context of that ending it's a necessity of sorts to stop the infected Fusang, and it is even the "true" ending. the "good" ending

the framing is sort of that Yi has found peace at last and rights the wrongs of his people by blowing up new kunlun but. why ?

you might say that the time of the solarians had come ; accepting their death is a big part of the story. but that doesn't mean you need to bring about that end yourself. you don't need to die right that moment. Kuafu even survives

you could also say that Yi atones for his sins by dying here or that he deserves it in some way, that it is his destiny at this point in time as the only thing that remains after vengeance is death : but there is no "deserving" anything ; neither Yi nor any of the sols "deserve" to die for what they've done, nor do they "deserve" to live, actual good praxis is that to "atone", you need to fix your mistakes and change. and in order to do that you need to not be dead. sacrifice is meaningless

no one gains anything from the sols dying. the tragedy has already happened. their death means nothing and that is why Yi's quest of revenge is meaningless, and by the same logic Yi's own death is meaningless too

a perfect ending would be one where Yi is still affiliated enough to solarians that Eigong doesn't infect the Fusang, but he has changed enough that he understands it is the end for solarians and apemen deserve a try at life. he might seek out eventual survivors in New Kunlun, giving them the choice between accepting the end will come or stay within their dreamscape as the station slowly falls into disrepair and the system shuts down for lack of computationnal power, coming from no apemen brain being collected anymore. he would then go find Shuanshuan and Kuafu with the eventual survivors that chose to go, where they could all live their final days in peace. doesn't it seems so much happier ? so much sweeter ?

not all stories need a perfect ending, or even a good ending. but this one does. isn't Yi's story over the course of the game one of change towards peace, understanding and compassion ? wouldn't it be better for his story to end not with a final burst of violence, but a slow and mellow acceptance of life and death ? wouldn't it be more interesting thematicaly and emotionnaly for him to die the same way Heng did, the little sister he could never understand before ?

it would even be a possible ending technically, though not sure with how inconsistent that endings system is

The last element of confusion : difference in treatment

to finish, and highlight why Yi's sacrifice is meaningless, let's take a look at Kuafu

for some reason, Kuafu is exempt from this idea that a form of atonement is necessary. the game is inconsistent. and that's not just from the shooting star ending where he is the last solarian to survive

Kuafu might be the "least" guilty of all sols but he still has his part of responsibility for everything, and he doesn't do much to redeem himself, though he does become more fond of Shuanshuan and the apemen. whatever moral metric there might be that the sols and yi's deaths are necessary/deserved/good should be applied to him too. but no

in Eigong's vital sanctum we see a cinematic representing Yi's guilt and realisation he is no better than the other sols. "when the curtain falls, none of us are really at fault" says the Heng in his mind. but Kuafu is not present for some reason, where all the other sols are. "we are sols [...] we are martyrs, working in vain [...] our light is already faded [...] no one's at fault, for we are only sols."

the difference in treatment feels like it's coming out of nowhere, which only muddles the game's final message

so there you have it

Nine Sols is a master piece in many regards, a veritable treat gameplay-wise with a very interesting story, but that gets less clear at the end with unsatisfactory endings and a message i ultimately cannot agree with

to live is good

the solarians' sin was never their search for immortality or for a cure to the tianhuo virus

it was the thousands other mistakes they made on the way

mistakes that dying as martyrs cannont resolve